My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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