my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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