Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
