Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I forgot how hot balto sounded
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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