Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How's work?
Spinning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
