Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
