I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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