FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
