please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
