I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.