i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.