she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it