Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does