my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.