I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal