I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
