Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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