hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
