so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
