omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
