Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This baby is an asshole
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
