I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
