4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
