She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
