my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
