I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
