I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
