i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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