so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
