somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
