Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
