On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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