He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
