yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
