he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
