playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
