Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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