I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize