Pregnant stripper...not hot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
