I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
