I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
