Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
wow bdsm is so cute
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
