A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Enjoy the penises
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
