I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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