# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
