I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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