Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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