apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize