Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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