pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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