Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
