i would punch a child for taco bell
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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