Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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