Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
