That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
