I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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