so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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