so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
