It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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