I showed him my bush... on skype.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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