I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
