Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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