I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize