Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
