I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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