I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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