I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
