Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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